Residency Journal - Day 1

1. Identify personal insights, moments of critical questioning, and comments or ideas from today’s workshop that have impacted you.

After asking myself why I am in this doctoral program, I reasoned that my father had a lot to do with this decision, both directly and indirectly. He was not home very often, and I look back and wish he was more involved in my life and held family values higher on his priority list. As I was growing up, I fed off of other men’s examples who spent more time with me, not knowing that their home life was likely a little twisted as well, but each of them pursued and earned a masters or doctorate degree. I want to be more involved in my children’s lives and that means I need to have the highest level of education so that I can entertain any opportunity that I am presented with.

Another insight stems from looking at the differences and similarities between the students in the classroom. I came into the program concerned about my lack of experience and the amount of time I would have to allocate towards my class. Others have more business experience, but I need to remind myself that I have a great deal to teach and to offer those around me. I am unique in my values and desire to obtain a degree for the benefit of my family.

2. Describe why these insights, questions, and ideas are important to you. What effect do they have and what dilemmas, questions, or possibilities do they raise? How do these issues affect the clarity, order, confusion, or chaos of your thinking?

I never really imagined that my father had this type of an impact on me obtaining my degree. Both good and bad, he fulfilled his promise that I would have the opportunity to pursue my education. I hope with all of my heart that I can push myself and earn this degree. It will help me succeed both professionally and personally. I have not aspired to be a leader, but I need to now.
I truly wonder what other influences I have overlooked that have created the man today. I feel as though this created both clarity and chaos in my mind. I understand a little bit more as to what my true motivation is, but I do not believe that this motivation alone will sustain me throughout my program. I realize that I am holding my children to the same high standards that I was exposed to, and I am not sure that is the healthiest environment for them. I need to let them individualize and devleop their strengths and talents to be successful. Without personal motivation, my work here is fruitless.

3. What issues, questions, and dilemmas are you going to explore further? Why and how? How will your actions influence who you are and how you relate to others? What relational nets can you construct to continue this process of reflective and critical learning?

I am going to ask my father about his motivation for encouraging me to attend college and why that was always an expectation. I am also going to review my parenting style and techniques with my children. I do not want to be authoritative, but I need to express them the importance of higher education.